


Wiio's Law

by SoDoRoses (FairyChess)



Series: Metaphysical Determinism [7]
Category: Sanders Sides
Genre: A Very Rude Sephora Employee, M/M, a heated argument between a MC and an OC, fantasy ableism, if u have ever gone into one without makeup on u kno wat i mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26174425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyChess/pseuds/SoDoRoses
Summary: In which Devin and Remus have a bit of a miscommunication.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Metaphysical Determinism [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668148
Comments: 33
Kudos: 327





	Wiio's Law

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to @trivia-goddess for beta reading this incredibly self-indulgent tender dukeceit thank for my life alksdjaklsj

Dating Remus was rather unlike any dating experience Devin had ever had.

Not that Devin had all that much dating experience – an inability to communicate frankly and a somewhat unfortunate physical appearance were not what most people looked for in a romantic partner, so Devin’s prospects so far had been limited to a handful of dates before someone decided they couldn’t get past one or the other or both, occasionally broken up by a single date with someone unilaterally creepy and clearly fetishizing the curse.

Devin never got the feeling Remus was even tempted toward either of those scenarios, which was – a slightly alarming level of exhilarating that Devin tried very hard not to think about too hard, because it sometimes made him a little dizzy.

Remus took every available opportunity to shower Devin in compliments and some that _weren’t_ really ‘available,’ like the time Devin had fallen asleep on top of him on the couch in the twins’ apartment. Devin had been woken up by quiet mumbling, and then did his best not to react to the sound of Remus, soft and adoring and _monologuing_ about his love while he thought Devin was sleeping.

It was overwhelming. It was _wonderful_. And it didn’t feel temporary, which was arguably the most stunning part – there was no vague sense that Devin was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He’d managed to find the one person in the world who genuinely wouldn’t care about the curse, and then that person had broken it anyway.

Well. Half broken it.

But Remus didn’t mind about the scales, either. Would cradle Devin’s face in both hands or kiss either cheek without flinching or even hesitating, and Devin was fairly certain he fell in love with Remus a little more every time.

Remus pressed one of those unfaltering kisses to Devin’s cheek, and then raised their joined hands and pressed a second one to the back of Devin’s. Devin smiled up at him, raising a curious brow.

“Yes?”

“I asked if you wanted something to eat,” said Remus, amused, “You must, because you were clearly daydreaming about mice and other small, tasty creatures-”

Devin snorted, trying to elbow Remus in the ribs and getting much closer to the hip area. Really, did anybody need to be this tall? It was absurd.

(It was much less absurd and a lot more fantastic when they were making out, but Devin was more than happy to ignore that for the moment.)

“I don’t eat mice,”

“Right, you’re much bigger than a regular snake,” said Remus, nodding sagely, “Rats,”

“ _Remus_ ,”

“Bunnies?”

“Oh, _ew!_ ” laughed Devin.

“Oh, I got you with that one, little baby bunnies with fluffy little cottontails-”

“You’re awful,” said Devin fondly.

Remus beamed, leaning down to press a loud _smack_ of a kiss to Devin’s still-smiling mouth.

“Let- me- feed- you,” he said, adding more kisses to punctuate each word.

“You sound like Patton,”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so offended,”

“Oh, don’t even,” drawled Devin, “The first thing you did after he and Roman finally got the cotton out of their collective ears was go on a rampage trying to figure out who had hexed him-”

Remus gasped in mocking offense.

“You swore you’d never bring that up against me,”

“I lied,” said Devin, smirking.

Remus’s frown became a pout.

“Fucking illegal. Can’t believe this. Betrayed by my own boyfriend _and_ he’s too sexy for me to argue with. Here I am, laid low by pretty eyes like some kind of _sap,”_

As always, Devin faltered at the compliment, flushing. He managed a handful of stammered, nonsense syllables while Remus stood there and _smirked_ at him, the asshole.

“You know I didn’t realize how great a thing ‘pretty’ could be till I met you,” he continued, grinning salaciously because he knew _exactly_ how flustered Devin was and Devin was going to withhold kisses for a _week._

“ _Remus,_ ” he muttered, “Knock it off,”

“No can do, Salty Snake City, I _just_ realized I have _not_ met my Complimenting-The-Unreasonably-Hot-Boyfriend quota for the day,”

“I thought you were getting me food,” said Devin a little weakly.

Remus hummed, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“That’s a trap, but you’re sexy as fuck so I’ll allow it,” said Remus, “Plus when we get to the food court I get to see how hard you blush if I play footsie with you in public,”

And – of course – he had to give Devin one last, searing, toe-curling kiss, in broad daylight, before leaving him slightly lightheaded and leading him in the direction of the mall’s food court with a smug smile on his face and preening like a peacock.

Devin was going to withhold kisses for a month.

(Devin willfully ignored that he hadn’t even lasted fifteen seconds the first time.)

The mall, and subsequently the food court, wasn’t particularly busy, which Devin was grateful for. There were only a few double-takes at his face, which Remus didn’t seem to notice, at least until they came to an abrupt halt and Devin wondered if he hadn’t seen someone gaping and stopped to be unsettling on purpose.

But when Devin looked up, Remus looked oddly hesitant, glancing between Devin and one of the restaurant menus.

“Remus?” Devin prompted.

Remus cleared his throat a little awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and giving Devin a sheepish smile.

“Can I, uh- order for you?”

Devin’s heart gave a particularly strong _throb_ in his chest. He was abruptly reminded that however little experience he had, Devin was Remus’s first and so far only romantic relationship. It was easy to forget, with how open he was, but in moments like this, where he seemed to fumble at romantic gestures, Devin would remember and be hopelessly, utterly endeared all over again.

“That would be very sweet,” he said softly, “Thank you,”

“Right,” said Remus, voice cracking a little.

He gave Devin a parting kiss, much softer, and when he pulled back he looked a little more steady.

“You table, I food,”

“Sounds like a plan,”

With a final squeeze to Devin’s hand, Remus left to go after their meals.

Devin didn’t go far, finding himself a table towards the edge and spending a few moments deliberating about which side he was going to take. On the one hand, he didn’t want to be continually distracted by people gawking at him behind Remus if he faced the food court – on the other, if _Remus_ saw them he had a very cute but very frustrating tendency to start loudly and pointedly complimenting Devin’s appearance, which was incredibly flustering and embarrassing.

Remus might be able to look past it and see _just Devin_ underneath, but most people couldn’t – Devin had long ago stopped exhausting himself trying to hold it against them.

He eventually compromised and sat to the side. He might catch a few glimpses in the corner of his eye, but Devin could deal with it. Remus would probably not notice them, if he was facing Devin.

Devin sat, fiddling with the long sleeves of his waistcoat and glancing over to Remus in line every so often. Remus was scanning the menu with intense focus, fiddling with the various safety pins and little spikes and chains on his jeans. Devin found himself smiling softly, absolutely love-struck, for several moments, before he managed to tear his eyes away before Remus caught him staring and teased him about it.

The mild embarrassment of that would, in hindsight, have been much _less_ mortifying then what happened next.

Devin hadn’t noticed until now, but his choice of seat had left him directly facing what was easily his least favorite store in the mall, in spite of the fact that he had never actually been in it.

In front of which was a cheerful, grinning employee with a cart of free samples, waving enthusiastically and clearly trying to get his attention.

_Fantastic._

The employee obviously knew Devin had seen him, his waves turning to excited gestures to come closer. Devin winced, glancing over at Remus, who was still in line and hadn’t noticed the exchange.

If Devin was very quick and very firm, he could get through the interaction without Remus noticing and make it back to the table before Remus returned with the food.

Sighing, Devin pushed back his chair and stood, striding quickly over toward the little cart and the ecstatic employee in front of Sephora.

“Hello,” he said shortly.

“Good afternoon!” he said, “We’re giving out free samples today, would you like to try some?”

“I don’t wear makeup, but thank you,” said Devin, smiling thinly.

“Oh, these are super user-friendly!” he said, “Self-blending charms and the best glamours you can find anywhere-”

“Sounds lovely,” said Devin tightly, “But it isn’t a lack of skill, make-up simply doesn’t react well to my skin. It’s a curse, not a natural feature,”

He waved his ID bracelet idly.

“But thank you,” he said, “I appreciate your concern,”  
The lie tasted like ash in his mouth.

The employee’s expression turned cloyingly sympathetic, and Devin very carefully didn’t clench his fists in irritation.

“I have _just_ the thing!” he said, “You don’t need a glamour, you need a counter-curse-”

“Listen-”

“We have a whole bunch of those, they’re with our hypoallergenic formulas! I don’t have any here for free samples, but-”

He glanced behind him, before leaning forward conspiratorially.

“For you, I’m sure I can find some,” he said.

Devin fought to keep his breath at an even keel.

“I’m afraid I simply don’t have the time,” he said, smiling apologetically, “I’m waiting on my boyfriend, you see-”

And that was where he faltered, because the instant he said boyfriend, the man startled, his face melting into painfully obvious surprise.

The words died in Devin’s mouth, a lump forming in his throat.

He knew. God, of course he _knew_ , it wasn’t like he didn’t own a mirror, but really, was it that surprising? So very unbelievable? So _incomprehensible,_ that this man couldn’t even be bothered to _hide_ his surprise that someone could ever get past the fact that Devin’s face looked like something out of a low-budget horror movie?

“… Excuse me,” said Devin, tight and resigned, turning on his heel to go back to the table and compose himself before Remus returned.

Except he turned, and came face-to-chest with Remus himself, whose expression was a little confused but mostly curious.

“Hey, JD, where’d you go?”

“Oh!” said the employee, “You must be- well, your boyfriend was just interested in some of our free samples!”

Was just being politely harassed was more accurate, but Devin didn’t bother to correct him. He tossed the worker a brittle smile over his shoulder and reached for Remus’s hand, meaning to take it and lead him back to the table, where Remus must have left the food.

But when he actually looked at Remus, something made him freeze.

Remus – Remus looked excited?

“Make-up?” said Remus, grinning, “Babe, you would look hot as fucking _lava_ in make-up,”

All at once, Devin found himself incredibly lightheaded.

“Oh,” he said, somehow _not_ giving away the lump in his throat, “I- you think so?”

“Muses yeah, babe, holy shit. I’d have let you borrow mine if I knew you were into it. Well, and if we didn’t have such different skin tones,”

Devin felt both shockingly calm and like he was going to shatter into a thousand pieces. He should have expected this. Remus didn’t mind, he never flinched, he never looked away, but of course- of course if he had a _choice_ , he’d prefer Devin look different. Devin couldn’t hold it against him. _Shouldn’t_ hold it against him, and didn’t.

(Now if only he could get through the rest of this conversation without bursting into tears, he would be in the clear. Easy.)

The sunny smile of the employee – who Devin now bothered to inspect the name-tag of since he was apparently not getting out of this, and found to be named Rickie – remained firmly in place as Remus rifled inelegantly through the bottles, humming under his breath.

“What were you thinking of?” asked Remus, squeezing Devin’s hand.

“Whatever you suggest, dear,” said Devin faintly.

Remus’s focus snapped back toward him instantly, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Devin smiled, and Remus frowned back, clearly not buying it.

“I was just about to go in the back for him!” said Rickie, “We have a new line of concealers with a variety of counter-curses, I’m sure we can find something to help your honey out,”

He tossed Devin a wink, apparently not noticing that Remus’s expression had gone more and more cloudy as he spoke.

Devin’s chest fluttered with something treacherously like hope.

“You were buying concealer?” asked Remus.

Devin hesitated, unsure of the least confrontational answer, and Remus’s expression took on a dangerously angry edge.

“He mentioned he doesn’t usually,” said Rickie, oblivious, “But I’m sure we have something that won’t react-”

“ _Fuck off,_ ” snarled Remus.

Rickie jumped, and then scowled.

“ _Excuse_ me?”

“Fuck. Off,” repeated Remus, shoving the cart hard enough that several bottles rattled and fell to the floor, “I hope you stab your eye out with a mascara wand you judgmental corporate shill, how much commission do you make harassing people whose faces you’re too stupid and tasteless to put your fucking _stamp of approval on_ -”

“ _Remus_ , oh my god-” choked Devin, pushing between them, because Remus was beginning to look rather like he was considering throwing a punch.

“I was- I was just being _helpful!_ ” said Rickie indignantly.

“Huh, that’s funny, why don’t I believe you?” said Remus, cheerfully deadly, “Why do I think you are so full of shit it’s leaking out of your ears all over your shabby Whole Foods cashier gauges?”

“I think you need to leave, sir,” said Rickie irritably.

“Of course!” said Devin, cutting off whatever furious response Remus was gearing up next, “Have a nice day,”

He hadn’t actually looked at Rickie when he said it, his eyes trained firmly on Remus. Reaching out, he tugged a bit at Remus’s jacket, squeezing the hand he still held.

Remus looked at him, face set in rage, and Devin gave him a wan smile and a small shake of his head.

Remus’s mouth pinched in barely-restrained distaste, and for a moment Devin thought he was going to refuse to leave – but Devin pulled, and Remus didn’t resist, following him without any protest other than a dark, threatening glare over his shoulder at Rickie as they walked away.

Devin was extra grateful today for Remus’s endearing tendency to order food to go even when they were eating in the establishment – he grabbed the take out bag as they passed the table and continued right on, leading a strangely silent Remus out of the mall and into the parking lot.

As they walked, Remus twisted his hand until they were palm to palm, fingers laced, and squeezed firmly. Devin flushed, squeezing back but unable to look at him.

There was obvious reluctance from both of them to let go when they got to the car. Remus was still oddly and almost unsettlingly quiet as he climbed in the passenger seat, and Devin bit his lip in worry as he made his way around and got in the driver’s side.

Shutting the door, Devin let his head fall to rest on the steering wheel and a small, slightly hysterical giggle out of his mouth.

“Well, that went well,” he said lightly.

Remus didn’t say anything, and Devin turned his head to look at him. Remus’s expression was difficult to decipher, but he certainly didn’t look happy.

“Were you buying concealer?”

Devin gave him a wan smile.

“No,” he said quietly, “You were right on that count, I’d been accosted from across the room,”

He laughed thinly, but Remus didn’t.

“When I came over-” said Remus, “-did you think I wanted you to?”

Devin hesitated a second too long, and Remus’s face visibly _crumpled_ in distress.

“It’s not- I’m _sorry_ ,” said Devin, “I never should have- I know you don’t mind them, I never should have assumed that of you-”

“You think I don’t _mind_ them?” said Remus, strangled.

Devin flinched, anxiety pooling in his gut, and Remus looked both baffled and horrified.

“ _Mind them_ ,” Remus repeated incredulously, “How do you even-?”

“Well, you don’t have to sound so _put upon_ ,” snapped Devin, hurt and bewildered, “Fine, that you don’t- comment on them, then, I suppose. I don’t know what you want me to say,”

Remus looked somehow even _more_ distressed, the fingers of one hand rapidly drumming on his knee and the other fairly shredding one of the fraying holes in his jeans.

Abruptly, Remus moved. Shoving the armrest between them up, he slid across the bench seat until their sides were pressed together. Devin almost pulled away, but Remus’s hand came up to cradle the – human – side of his face, his other hand looping around Devin’s wrist, both touches cautiously gentle.

“Remus, what-”

Devin’s breath stuttered.

Remus had pressed his lips to Devin’s hairline, just to the left where the scales began. Remus had kissed him before, plenty and frequently and _far_ less chaste, so Devin wasn’t entirely sure why this one made him feel quite suddenly like he couldn’t breathe.

The kiss ended almost silently, but Remus barely moved – he just laid another kiss right next to the first.

Devin’s pulse was fluttering in his throat as Remus carefully kissed a slow, deliberate trail down the side of Devin’s face, his lips chapped and his stubble rasping against the scales, less sensitive than the rest of Devin’s skin but still setting Devin to shivering all over.

“Remus?” he said, strangled.

“Just- just-”

Remus stopped kissing him, pressing his face into Devin’s cheek and inhaling shakily, which is when Devin realized Remus was trembling.

“ _Remus?_ ” he repeated, voice high and weak.

“ _Fuck,_ ” Remus spat angrily. Devin startled but Remus immediately kissed him again, this time on the lips and so softly it almost seemed like he thought Devin would _break._

“Would you please say something?” said Devin, a little shrill.

“I _love_ you,” said Remus, wounded and hollow.

Devin choked.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know – his ability to speak without it coming out backwards for the past couple of months was clear proof, and firstborn curses weren’t the kind of thing you could trick.

It was, however, the first time Remus had said it in so many words.

“ _This_ -” said Remus, touching the scaled side of Devin’s face with a feather-light touch, and speaking in the most solemn tone Devin had ever heard him use, “Isn’t something I _don’t mind_. I love them. They’re you,”

“You…”

Devin trailed off, swallowing, and tried again.

“You can’t mean that,” he said weakly, and for all the times he’d wished he could tell the truth in his life this one did not feel like a victory.

“Why would I bullshit you about that?” said Remus, nearly desperate, “I’m an asshole, yeah, but I’m not a piece of _griffon_ _shit,_ ”

“You aren’t an asshole,”

“And you aren’t a fucking charity case,” said Remus, “You’re hot. You’re _objectively_ hot and I’ll fucking ask Logan just to prove the point. And then punch his teeth out and make jewelry from them for looking at you because I have dibs, damn it,”

“Don’t fight Logan,” said Devin wetly.

“Why? You know I’d win, he’s got squishy wizard noodle arms,”

Devin laughed around the lump in his throat, and Remus smiled at him, crooked and utterly pleased.

Sniffing, Devin looked up at the ceiling of the car in an attempt to keep from properly crying, but he should have known better than to expose a weak point to Remus.

Remus buried his face in Devin’s neck – left side, again, no hesitation – making over-exaggerated nomming noises and mouthing playfully at Devin’s neck.

Devin giggled shrilly, smacking his arm, the laughter making the tears spill over. When Remus saw he just wiped them away with his thumb.

“Welp, that’s it, Dee,” he said, shrugging, “I gotta go back and deck the guy, he made you cry. It’s the law,”

“Like you’ve ever deliberately obeyed the law,” croaked Devin, “And don’t, I like this mall and don’t want us to get banned,”

“Okay, but I’m gonna break in after-hours and trash the Sephora,”

“You are not,”

“I gotta,” said Remus, shrugging, “Gonna enchant their store radio so it only plays porn sounds. Hex the register to make fart noises. Plant a bunch of those cursed stink-bombs to go off whenever someone says ‘concealer,’”

Devin dissolved further into giggles the more Remus spoke until they were both grinning and snickering over this absurd plan of attack on the makeup store, and couldn’t help but lay his hands properly over Remus’s cradling his face, closing his eyes and breathing.

Remus bumped their foreheads, and Devin pressed into it.

“… Do you really mean it?” said Devin after a long pause, shaky and quiet.

“I really, _really_ mean it,” said Remus, “And the fact that you weren’t _already_ convinced of how fucking _unreasonably_ gorgeous I find you means I _seriously_ need to step up my game – so! Number one of the infinite list of things that make me want to jump your bones-”

“Remus, oh my _god,_ don’t you dare-”

“Too late!” said Remus, bopping him on the nose, “Number one, do you know your scales turn iridescent in the sunlight? Stupid sexy. Number two-”

Devin’s attempts to shut Remus up with kisses failed pretty spectacularly, because Remus kept just mumbling muffled compliments into his mouth.

And this time, Devin listened to every one of them – believed him, and didn’t once flinch.

**Author's Note:**

> you can also find me over on tumblr at [@tulipscomeinsallsortsofcolors](tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors.tumblr.com)


End file.
